One which is a recurring, appalling guilt begins with me barefoot in an empty parking lot. Concrete pillars line the dark spaces in long, dizzying, si...gle rows. Their gray protuberances are millions of spires edging higher and higher towards an endlessly blackened sky. Broken floodlights blink on and off as if shorted out, causing shadows to flare in one direction then dissappear to another. Ghosts chasing my fear of the dark. As I navigate this concrete jungle, trying desperately to fnd an. "She sits up, drawing the covers up over herself. Shes getting sleepy again, but she doesnt want to spend another minute in the room.Everything seems too bright, sterile. She feels as if her presence is making things unclean. The messed up bed sheets, covered in her sweat, the glaring walls soaked in her tears, her cries, her screams."I really do wan to leave from here. I feel Ive been through hell, and now, I just want to be alone."She slides off the bed, and picks her clothes up. She gets. After a few goes, we had the timing and pitches right, but it still lacked something. Technically, we had it down pat, but it somehow didn’t convey the emotions that it should.“What if we double the instrumental break, get Paul and Phil to do a solo each, and we dance on the stage?” she suggested. “We have to work out how to get the emotions over.”“That’s an idea,” I replied. “I don’t know what’s missing, though, how about we try another one, see how that sounds?”We spend another hour working. “Yes, absolutely! You know what I like best. Don’t worry about that!”“I wondered if that might have something to do with you wanting to be with other girls.”“No, it has nothing to do with you not satisfying my physical needs.”“So it’s mental or emotional?”“And spiritual, too. Anala has been teaching me about true intimacy which doesn’t require sex. But, for me, I guess the sex is a sign of closeness, friendship, and emotional bond. I think, at my core, that what I’ve realized is that enforced.
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