But I was still sad. It's been hard this last month, back andforth from home to stays in the hospital has been stressful financiallyand emotionally. I...ve been considerably weaker and been in the hospitalfor a week now, the doctors say I will not be able to go home. David'swants me to pass at home, but doesn't think Tim could handle seeing hismother fade away to the ultimate death.As a mother of a son you know how hard it is to relate to your son, as Ihave relating to my dear son. I know my. I look down the short hall into the bedroom just as you start to close the door. I can see that it is a mess! I turn from the stereo and walk toward the room as you back into it, concern in your eyes. The bed is covered with the clothes you tried on as you were deciding what to wear, along with two towels. I can see what looks like the clothes you wore to work today in a pile on the floor. I pick up one of the towels, feeling its dampness, knowing it was the one you dried with after showering. Shit. I was so scared, I wanted to crawl into a hole and die... And, yet.And, yet, I could feel myself fall under his power. I could feel that deep dark side of me being drawn to him, to that all-knowing, all-consuming stare. I licked my dry lips with my equally dry tongue. Stammering a few small sounds, was all I managed. Another lick of my lips and I could finally form intelligible words.Except I had nothing to say.I was so weak, of mind and body with him finally here. How could one man do. They were modern, clear-thinking women whose disaffection was as much with marriage as such as with the men they had married.Erika and Heinz had, in the twenty years of their marriage, grown more and more apart. Starting without a particular strong sexual bond between them, it never developed within their marriage. From its beginning, Heinz’ career made ever-increasing demands on his time. Nothing in his work, in his task-centred social circle, and his highly specialised interests could be.
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