I’d been seeing Lynda for about eight months and we did have sex but I knew I wasn’t that good at it. I have to admit that I probably only pleased...her sexually about 70% of the time and most of that was when I performed oral sex on her. I would think of having sex with men to make me orgasm and would go through the motions with her. Deep down I knew I was living a lie but back then it was quite taboo to be openly gay. I didn’t even know of any other gay guys and most of my friends away from. Certainly, they would see the logic of that statement.“Are you totally oblivious to the fact that there are four other artists in this room?” Amy demanded. “Come on, Tony. We need a model for our portfolios, too.”“If you draw me with an erection, they won’t let you enter it in the student exhibition, so just settle down, okay?” I laughed. Okay, I was on this side of the easel again. That’s where this adventure started, if I remembered correctly. But the likelihood that my boner was going away. We still loved each other and looked out for each other but we weredrifting apart. I spent hours reading and studying while Sloane spenthours flipping through teen magazines, listening to records and talkingto her friends on the phone. We seldom bought friends home; Amandadiscouraged it. I knew it was because we were poor and because Amandalived a life that did not garner the approval of most of the community,most kids weren't allowed to come over to our place anyway."Them hypocrites would just. I already metthe quota in 1998. From time-to-time the more uncharitable, and mostlyfemale, of my co-religionists suggest that I should "read the Bible."I've done that too. Beginning to end, not just the good bits--so I'm allsquared away. It's not like I'm going to read it *again,* when I knowhow it ends. I could watch "On the Town", "Breakfast at Tiffany's", and"How to Marry a Millionaire" ten times *each* quicker than sloggingthrough that again. It's a good book, but I don't know who.
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